Fatherhood Rewind: 2nd baby – To Be or Not to Be

It was a fine summer evening and I was enjoying the blabbering of my 2-year old son. The past many months I was a slave in his kingdom where diapers, NAN, broken toys, incessant crying, and smelly shit ruled the place. Yet the smile, the togetherness and the feeling of being loved had made me a permanent slave. I was happy and really realizing the true meaning of the word ‘enjoyment’. Aah, what a beautiful day.

Then a booming voice asked, ‘When are you planning a second one?’ Was it God? An atheist, I looked around for any clues of a God. The more worrying fact for me was the question rather than me converting into a religious person. Soon I saw the source of the voice – it was my mother. Maybe I had heard it wrong. Replying to the quizzical look on her face, ‘I’ll buy the second cycle for him soon, I know it’s broken.’ Hope against hope I thought to myself that maybe I’m dreaming. This time the voice did not boom but rather was calm and reassuring and gave me the commandment, ‘Thou shall have a second child because your son needs company just like your elder sister did.’

Seriously! I was born to be a toy for my sister. It really sounded disgusting. The gates of a second kingdom beckoned me – the filth of the diapers, the long hours, the sleepless nights, the expenses … hospital, Sonography, medicines, delivery! This can’t be happening. Then the logical part of my brain which was asleep till now, woke up and reminded me that I am not going to deliver a baby. Thank God, if there is one (remember I’m an atheist). However, by night time my worst fears came true. A miniature version of melodramatic movie was played out with its dose of suspense, horror, tragedy, comedy and the message was conveyed by her highness that the prince needs kin, preferably a princess.

“That night I lay to rest a proverb that I so cherished – Whatever happens, does for the best”.

The morning was a lot different. I could see smiling faces in the house. Even my maid was smiling. What @#@$#$#. As I reached office, I observed and realized that most of my colleagues, peers were content with a single child. Even today, when I look around, this question is still a googly for many – should we have a second child? We weighed the pros and cons and took a decision. Today, life is relatively calm and settled as both my kids go to the same school and share a great bonhomie.

So, let me share some piece of my brain with you regarding this topic.

It’s not a burden – If you perceive the second child as a burden, then do not go for it. But, the question is why should you perceive it as a burden? Is it time, money or support? If the situation is same when you had the first one, then go for the second one.

The adage that you’ll never come to know when the second child grew up so fast is goddamn true! I hate all those silly old ladies who kept on saying this and I kept on refuting it. I lost big time. Raising a second child is half the effort, double the gains!

It’s more than a sibling – There will be sibling rivalry, there will be that initial phase when everybody in the house goes nuts but the day when the younger one holds the finger of the elder one to walk, you know you’ve got it all right. They’ll be the best of friends and worst of enemies and yet they’ll be there for each other. Things that a kid can’t share with his parents, the chances that he’ll share with his sibling are high. Besides these mushy mushy reasoning, they are detectives who constantly spy on each other and keep the parents updated, they are umpires of a cricket field who are quick to raise their fingers on the flaws of the other and yes they are Mumbai and Delhi who are always competing with each other.

It makes a complete family –

It really does. Get rid of the gadgets and phones a little, get a job that may not pay that well but is closer to home and be willing to go through the grind again and well, you’ve got yourself a complete family.

Hey Fathers, Mothers … share your feedback.

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