Expectation Setting

One of the primary reasons for misunderstandings in relationships, whether professional, personal or romantic occur due to lack of fulfillment of expectations and the misinterpretation of those. It is important for us to clarify what we expect from an individual at the beginning of the relationship thus giving them the clarity and opportunity to meet them.

Communicate – Assuming that the other person knows what you want and how you want it is absurd, and it gives rise to misunderstanding. List down what you expect from your subordinate, team member, colleague – specifying in detail if there is something that you are particular about. Humans are receptive to communication, most are in fact, so if you want to let them know what you expect from them, then just articulate it and communicate it. This holds true for all sorts of relationships. In a professional setting the communication can be top-down or move upwards. For professional relationships, you could set the expectation from either side at the very beginning that is the interview stage, and then modify them as you move forward.

In more personal or intimate relationships, this communication should happen in the form of dialogues. It cannot be a one-way communication that is clinical or authoritative like work, it has to be softened at the edges so that it is received positively. The magic for a relationship to work wonderfully is the understanding of what is expected from either of the partners. And the best way to achieve this is to communicate. Talk to each other and tell them what is it that you seek from this relationship from a family member, friend or partner.

Acknowledge– Once you have communicated what you expect from the other individual it is also important to acknowledge and check their and your understanding of the expectations. One must make sure that the communication has been understood and received well. Be open to a discussion and dialogue to streamline the expectations. Once it is agreed on both ends of the relationship, you would know that the expectation has been set. If you feel what you expect as the outcome may not be the same as the other person in the relationship then you may want to reach a middle ground. This approach may not work in situations where you are managing teams and there are set KRAs for the members. In such a scenario you would want to help your team members meet these expectations by extending help to them.

In personal relationships the acknowledging of expectations is laden with emotions. It is best to acknowledge with clarity of thoughts rather than being clouded with emotions. Accepting and agreeing to those expectations that you can manage and clearly communicating against those that cannot be met. Since there are no set KRAs, and personal relationships don’t work like that, this dialogue must be done with utmost care.

Feedback – This expectation setting needs to be reiterated at regular feedback sessions. There are times when team members either under-perform or remain dissatisfied with their working environment, this situation can be tackled with setting up the right expectation on a regular basis. In cases where you believe the expectations have not been met, it is best to give feedback and clarify what is it that you expect and that has not been met.

In a personal setting, a feedback should be given as it is, sans the fireworks. As stated earlier, communication in relationships are more complicated because they are laden with emotions. So if you felt let down by a family member, a friend or a partner, its best to let them know the reason you feel let down. Lay out the feedback in as many words as is required for giving it out. Then help them understand your expectations again, if you are willing to give them another chance.

It is imperative that we understand that we cannot assume that the other person can perceive things we have not elucidated. Once the first step towards clear expectation setting is taken, others steps will flow in. If not, make an effort in clarifying things and working towards a solution and clearing any misunderstandings there may be.