Girlhood, womanhood, pregnancy, motherhood–is not as we generally think. In fact in all the stages of our lives we are the single manifestation of our own self, our entity; hence the entire concept of “single mom” is a myth, At least i feel so, because I clearly remember my mother taking care of me and the entire family while my father was busy at work. This concept is even prevalent today. We have to take care of our child irrespective of whether we are a working mom or a stay-at-home-happily-married mom.
Being a single mom can be a tough proposition or a normal way of life depending on our maneuver, hence the first tip for single moms is to accept the course of life with a smile, for it makes the battle easier not only for you but for the child as well. We have to remember that our child picks up the vibes that we send–our tears, fears, insecurities and stigmas. Inhibitions flow into their minds without our notice, So at the least for them we have to keep our heads on our shoulders and stay strong.
We are not superwomen, so it’s ok to falter here and there while raising our children. Even our grandmothers and mothers did the same, and yet they raised happy adults. So we need to lower our expectations from our own selves and all we need to do is focus on raising a happy child. If I can give my child a quality time after I come from office and if that gives me a sense of satisfaction, it’s more than enough, irrespective of how much the time is—remember it’s the quality that matters, not the quantity. But i do make it a point that all my weekends are for my daughter, whether be it office parties or family outings, i take my child along with me, because particularly i feel that my life and my job all revolves around my daughter. I believe that it should not be that when I am old and grey, I regret having not given more time to our mother-daughter relationship.
Being a single mom and a single working mom should not take away your share of happiness and the things that give you pleasure; It should be a compulsory part of your daily schedule–it could be facebooking, chatting with a friend, reading, music, writing, We need to remember one vital thing—we cannot make anybody happy on this earth if we ourselves are unhappy, hence keeping our inner self content is a pre requisite to raise happy children.
Always make your child understand your situation as he/she grows, we often mistake them as minuscule, immature creatures, but trust me they have the strongest level of maturity to handle situations and things more than us. The need to know the truth no matter what, however, kindly do not paint the other parent black as that leads to a mistrust in the concept of family for them. They should know the truth to confront every situation but the truth should not leave a scar on their tender minds which eventually will make them dismissive adults not embarking upon the idea of marriage or a family.
It’s very important to show our love to our children, we cannot be their fathers for sure, but we can always love them more than anything. We need to remember that they are our source of happiness and joy, A praise, an appreciation, a hug & kisses will always make them feel wanted. I strongly feel that I am alive and kicking because I have her in my life.
No child should grow up with the feeling of guilt that it’s because of him/her that the parents are not together, the parents are not together because they decided so and it has nothing to do with them.
And most important, we need to seek help from our elders, mainly our parents, for grandparents are the best mentors for any child, we feel safe to keep our children with them and they pick up the right habits and values from them which we often miss. If for some reason we cannot get that help, we can look for an alternative in a good day care, which has a good reputation. We can look for a day care closer to our work so as to keep an eye on our child as and when we may please.
There’s no stigma attached to single motherhood, In fact Barrack Obama was raised by his mom and grandparents, and so was Bill Clinton, We need to stay positive in life and focused. It’s not a cake walk for sure, but it’s fun. Of course raising a child singlehandedly is twice the pain, twice the trouble, twice the stress and twice the demand, but also twice the hug, twice the love, twice the kiss and twice the pride, imagine your pride when your kid’s teachers praise him/her and you muse silently to yourself, for you alone know the concept of pleasure of pain.
- Amrrita Banerjee
- March 9, 2016
- 3 Comment