Independent Living

In the western countries most children step out of their parent’s house and begin life on their own at a very early age, unlike in India, where most parents depend on their offspring for support as they age. Although, children from most Indian families are brought up with this mind-set, modern families may expect their children to move elsewhere for education or in search of job, go abroad maybe, earn their living and make it large. This is not out of selfishness but because they want their child to gain vast knowledge, experience and live an independent life – which, may have been their wish as youngsters.

No matter how wonderfully we raise our children, it is the teenage years that get hard on us. My daughter who recently turned seventeen has her own social circle. Being forever occupied over cell phone chats, answering in monosyllables or her lack of interest in family matters is not what I expect of her. It drives me mad just like any other parent until I realise, she is doing the same thing any other teen would do…and I further realise that being mad is what every other parent would be and that is exactly what I shouldn’t be!

We raise our children with great virtues, good beliefs and wish only the best in life for them. Nurturing and protecting them, we prepare them to stand on their own but when it is time for them to leave, we get nervous. We cringe at the thought of them walking out of that door. We doubt their skills when it comes to staying alone, cooking their own food or doing their own laundry. Aren’t we the ones who are insecure? Aren’t we demotivating them?

We need to trust the education imparted to our children. We need to trust the upbringing and also the virtues and ethics we passed on to them. We need to trust our children.

This is the age when they may take up a part time job, ride on their own and even stay out a little longer. Just as we need to understand their feelings, we need to control ours as well. We all find it hard to let our children go and never really believe that they are ready. Even if they are physically fit, are doing very well in school, have great social skills and have good common sense, we still hesitate.

Why is it that we feel this way? Is it lack of guidance? Didn’t we train them well? OR were we so busy in making our kids ready to be independent that we forgot to prepare ourselves?!

Be confident that your children will be fine. They will clean on their own, do their own banking, excel in studies, succeed at work and manage very well, maybe better than you did at their age. Now, turn around and take a good look at yourself. It is you who needs to be fine without them, manage on your own and succeed in not worrying about them because after all, you have guided them and trained them. It is you who has prepared them for the outside world, now be confident that you have done your job well.