Us versus Them? Not really…

As social media fanatics, I am sure all of us are on facebook and part of several parenting groups, specifically those for moms. One of the most common rants I see across include how parents or in-laws do not agree on our thoughts and insist on following their own learnings. Well, that’s precisely what it is – learnings from another time, but garnered from experience nonetheless.

A cousin delivered twins after a daughter, and is settled in the United States. When we asked how she manages to have a grasp on goings-on, she just said, “I take all the help I get.” As simple as that!

In our hope to give kids a ‘better’ upbringing than we believe we had, we rush in with all our grand experience of having raised none or one kid and insist on making all decisions ourselves. However, spending some time in introspecting the times we were raised in may help us realize that times were not much different back then. Challenges facing our elders may have been similar to what we face today although contextually different, and there may be something for each of us to learn from the other.

• Managing home and work

I am a strong proponent of the theory that our parents are the original action heroes. Without a mask or the ability to fly, they were literally everywhere. Office, kitchen, watching TV with us, reading the bedtime story, our school plays, weekend classes, dance programmes, raiding neighbourhood shops at night in search of craft materials for next morning’s class – name it and they were there. How different are things today?

• Changing social landscape

As we were growing up, it was a time of great change. Many of us were just second generation immigrants into a metro or city. So, our parents were tasked with the challenge of ensuring we have a roof over our heads, food on the table, good schools for us to study in – all a novelty for them. All this while fending for themselves, away from the comfort of a joint family; – entrepreneurship anyone?

• The onslaught of media

Television was the big thing then; kids beginning to cluster around the TV on Sunday evenings rather than opting for family outings. How do you get kids to study was the big question on every parent’s mind – much as it is now. The only difference seems to be that it is the allure of technology and social media now.

• Pressures of work

Many of our mothers were probably the first generation of women in the family to work. Did that mean they were exempted from household chores – no way that! So, they would wake up at 4 or 5am, finish cooking at home, all the tasks that needed to be done and then head for work. Evenings meant they get back home, cook snacks and dinner, clean up the home again and complete odd chores before they could finally tuck in at midnight or even later. Sounds familiar? Only now it is about logging into work even after one is back home.

So, next time we are faced by a parenting or work situation, maybe a cuppa chai with our dad or mom-in-law may be a good idea. Sometimes, age-old wisdom works better than innovative solutions.

Watsay?