Setting the Boundary Line

Setting boundaries for your children is NOT distancing yourself from them but giving a new meaning to your lives as well as theirs. Not only is it healthy disciplining for them but works wonders for your stress levels too!

What are these ‘boundaries’ and why should we draw them? As a parent, think of an imaginary circle around you where you end and your child begins. Many parents may not consider this as their children come before themselves but we need to understand that being separate yet loving is one of our duties as a parent and an essential part of raising our children. Being clear of our principles and sticking by them while playing our role as a caring parent is simply drawing our boundary. Kids try to push such boundaries all the time but parents must not give in. Neither should they be lenient and cross the line themselves.

Children, if noticed pushing boundaries, should be corrected immediately or else they become difficult to manage and may become a source of embarrassment later. If their actions or words make you angry, tense, uncomfortable or resentful, you need to put a stop right there. Some kids treat their parents as a doormat or a sounding board while others behave as if they are in control or try giving you relationship advice. Basically, whenever kids try to venture into a zone they do not belong, they should not be permitted.

Here are a few examples you may relate to:

1. Without waiting for a chance to speak, your kid interrupts into your conversation with other adults.
2. Your child ‘commands’ you to do something.
3. Your child walks into your room without knocking and doesn’t respect your privacy.
4. Talks or questions your friend’s about their personal matters.
5. Does not believe in asking for permissions
6. Gives you advice on topics way out of his understanding

There are many occasions that prompt parents to cross boundaries but by standing strong to our principles, we teach our children many important aspects of life. We love our kids and feel responsible for them, thus cannot bear to see them suffering or in trouble and instantly jump to their aid. This won’t help them! By not letting them face obstacles and solve problems on their own, you deny them the most important experiences without which they may not know how to overcome disappointments or handle situations and arguments. We should always guide them but never shield them as it would make them less competent. Letting kids fight their own battles is a way of respecting them since you observe their boundaries and protect your own.

Here are a few signs which show that you are the one crossing over:

1. You try to change whatever upsets your child.
2. Giving in to their demands about eating, sleeping or playing.
3. Doing for your children what they can or should be doing themselves.
4. Questioning them about everything they do or feel.
5. Letting them decide for the household.
6. Oversharing information about your life or a friend’s life
7. Making them a part of adult conversations or parties
8. Letting them in on your private moments as a couple
9. Making them the center of focus when being with your friends or family
10. Constantly prioritizing their needs over your own or over your better halves