Are we raising our boys right?

Let’s all accept that we as a society are patriarchal and suppress our women. India has a long time to go where gender equality is concerned. In urban settings the change is happening, men have started looking at women as (almost) equals. However, these men have made an ‘effort’ to change their outlook.

Although I was raised in a supposedly equal and unbiased household, I was still told that I must know how to cook and clean but my brother was stirred clear of it. He was always given ‘outside’ chores and I was given ‘household’ chores. Unknowingly my parents, though very progressive by their standards, planted the seed of gender discrimination.

As the mothers of today, we can make a greater change to the dynamics of how women are perceived in the future. We can do that by raising our boys’ right.

We need to teach our boys about gender equality right from the beginning. It should be something that is natural, and not something that you have to ‘think’ about or ‘change’ your perception about.

What we can do from our end is to provide them with a gender-neutral environment at home. Even if the mother is a stay-at-home mom, the child needs to know it is her ‘choice’ to take care of the house and children. Women do not stay at home because it is their primary role in society. Children need to know that Daddy works because it is the parent’s decision that one works and one stays at home irrespective of their gender

For working mothers this becomes a tad easier as the child witnesses the mother working and for him it is natural for parents, mother and father to go to office. However, for a gender neutral environment the child must also know that ‘cooking’ is only the mother’s role. So have the men handle the kitchen once in a while if he doesn’t already do it. Also household chores need to be divided between parents. Involve your son also in cleaning the kitchen and doing smaller chores from a young age. As they grow older expand the scope of their chores, and keep them nondiscriminatory.

If you want to keep strict rules on wardrobe and going out hours, keep them for children of both genders at home. Do not make the son believe he can get away with anything and the daughter to comply with a stricter code of ethics. What you set as rules should be exercised by the son and daughter equally.

We can start this at home, we cannot control the environment that they get exposed to outside, but if we start at fundamentals then we would see a change in perception soon enough.

I believe one of the worst things that parents unknowingly teach their sons is ‘not to cry like a girl’. This founds the fundamental of the gender bias that we as a society are facing. Let’s understand that men and women respond differently to emotions, women externalize their emotions and men generally internalize them. This is not merely psychological gender differences but also a consequence of the immense societal pressure. What we are taught as children and unwittingly pass on to our progeny – women = crying, weakness and men = aggression, strength.

Teach our sons that men can cry too, men can break and be weak too. It’s human. Teach our sons to be in touch with their feminine side. That would greatly help them view women differently, with equality.

Teach our children that men and women although very different are neither superior nor inferior to one another.  That would make for a more gender neutral, balanced society in the future.