“I Hate you Mom…”

Being a parent not only means caring and nurturing but also means sacrificing. Right from pregnancy, mothers selflessly strive and suffer for their little ones. A backache, nausea and weight gain to sleepless nights, crying infants and heavy laundry, the mother is the support system of the house. She cares during sickness, manages school routines often giving up her personal goals or dreams. Yet, without realizing, kids tend to say nasty things that hurt their mothers a lot. “I hate you mom!” or “Wish you were not my mother!” are some of the hurtful ways kids tend to shock their mothers with.

Words like these are the hardest for any mother to hear and result in anger, hurt, sorrow or helplessness. It is natural for us to take this as a heavy personal attack after all our sacrifices, leaving us shocked. Firstly, these hurtful words are not to be taken personally at all, avoiding any big emotional reaction from you. Usually when kids aren’t able to solve a problem or are stressed about something, their discomfort pushes them into such behavior expecting a strong emotional reaction from your end which takes the place of that discomfort. This reaction of yours makes up for their actual problem and they begin crying about it or choose to stay angry. Kids do not do it consciously and by keeping a close eye you will be able to instantaneously judge the situation.

Some kids also say such horrible things when they want something from you. In their opinion, if you get hurt badly enough you may doubt yourself or feel bad for them and give in to their fancies. Other kids with faulty thinking find your behavior offensive and think there is nothing wrong in being hurtful towards the offender.

We being angry or upset due to such bad behavior is normal yet controlling our reactions is absolutely necessary. Below are a few tips that may help every parent fight such issues to a large extent.

Our emotional turmoil tells our children that they have overpowered us and they may continue such behaviour for their own satisfaction in future as well.
Avoid saying hurtful things back as doing so is not only ineffective in solving the problem but teaches your child that a verbal attack is handled by a verbal counterattack, which he may keep doing all his life.
Just as you would control your temper, control your voice as well. Never scream or shout back at your child as it is ineffective and may cause your child to copy you.
Refrain from saying “How dare you…” or “You can’t…” which may come across as a challenge for them and in their heads or aloud they could be thinking “I will, try stopping me!”
Don’t try to correct your child or make him understand in the heat of the moment because he won’t! Don’t even punish him at that time. Instead stay calm, keep your verbal response brief and direct, such as, “However you may feel, you still cannot do…” or “Maybe you do hate me but you still have to obey your elders.” Responding in this fashion effectively and gently stubs his bad behavior and makes him see that doing so won’t solve his problem while redirecting him to his unfinished job.
Avoid rolling your eyes or talking at fast pace, do not cross your arms or keep your hands on your waist. Keep your facial expressions neutral and your actions as normal as possible since body language has a huge impact on how your message is interpreted.
If you are losing your cool, just walk away. It shows that you are in control and have every authority to walk off. If you wish, you may sit your child down and have a calm talk at a later time.