Hands-on Daddy-giri!

19^th July 2012 – Baby K and I came home after being born, she into this world and me as a mommy. As any of you would vouch for, the days thereafter were just a blur. Between feeding K, cleaning her, trying to figure out why she is crying, getting some sleep and keeping myself well-fed, I just barely registered night from day.

We had moved into my parents’ place since the birth, and my hubby moved with me – no questions asked. A few weeks into the big event, hubster speaks up when we are alone, “I feel so cut off.” I just looked at home blankly, and thankfully he elaborated, “you are feeding the baby, putting her to sleep and all that. And Amma cleans her or does everything else. I don’t have anything to do with her.”

And that’s when it hit me, in my excitement to do everything for my little one; I had completely kept her father and my better half out of this joyful experience. And thus started our journey of exploring parenting together.

Some small things we did together that worked miracles for us:

Spending time as soon as she wakes up

From the day we brought her home, he slept in the same room as us. I was surprised to know later that, even today, some moms preferred to sleep with their moms so as to have help in the nights. None of us that for us though – the idea was to cash in on the time when she was most alert i.e. as soon as she had woken up. He would play with her; sing to her – basically just get her to register his presence.

Powdering her after bath and dressing her up

That was a big ritual. Choosing her robes for the day while her highness had her royal bath. Thereafter, he was the person to powder her up and clothe her. It was a time-consuming process, no matter who did it. So, I wasn’t sure who was more tired at the end of it. But she sure slept well at the end of it.

Burping her

It was a done deal – I would feed her (not that there was a choice in the matter). And he would burp her, except for nights when it didn’t make sense for both to remain awake on account of only this division of labor.

Her personal DJ

This designation, of course, was self-appointed. So, during the magic hour he had taken it on himself to keep her entertained by introducing her to the music of the world. So we had everything from Mozart to Pink Floyd to Rang De Basanti being belted out by our DJ. Of course, this also meant that she was mentally active through the evening and slept better at night.

And, of course, he also had responsibility of recording all her milestones, smiles and words on still photo and video formats. This, he was happy for me to take on from time to time.

The journey of parenting can be as overwhelming for the father as it is for the mother and, I believe, it is up to both to find a way to traverse the path together.

This is what worked for us. Your story may be different. As long as it has the same happy ending, it is all good! No?