I read somewhere that ‘wives are not the rehabilitation centers for badly raised men’. This is absolutely true and even logical too. It should not a matter of pride for a mother to have raised a badly-behaved son because she was too much awed by the mere existence of her little boy that she could see no errors in his ways and hence did not amend his misdeeds.
Kids learn more than you think by observing parents and others around them. So, if the child sees that his father has been misbehaving with his mother. More often than not, the child will learn that and use it when his time comes. Or if the child sees that his parents are ill-treating his grandparents, he will learn that because for him or her that is the natural order of things.
Basic manners that every child, irrespective of their genders, should be instilled by parents.
Politeness – This is an absolute necessity. It is ok to be angry or disappointed with an event or a situation, but it is NEVER ok to be cruel and mean to someone because you are unhappy with the world.
Taking Onus – Being responsible is something all adults must do. This is not an option. So, a parent cannot expect the child to have no duties and responsibilities what so ever throughout their childhood and adolescence but suddenly should become a connoisseur of taking responsibilities once he is older. Or even worse, some parents believe no matter how capricious and immature the son is, he will become alright after his marriage. HUH!!! WHY!!!! HOW!!!!
Being Patient – This virtue goes a long way. Being married is not a shouting competition wherein whoever yells the loudest is right and wins. Many counselors would say that it is not husband VS wife but it is husband + wife VS the situation that needs amending.
Being Respectful – At the risk of repeating myself, if the child does not see this happening at home between then he will NOT learn it. Even if he realizes the mistake and tries to modify his behavior once he is grown up, the innate nature of being disrespectful gets mapped in the brain because probably that is how his parents treat each other.
Having ranted on for this long, I would like to add that though I have written this for juvenile husbands, this is applicable to shrews too.
- Sohini Maitra
- April 23, 2018
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