How many of you argue in front of your Kids? How many think that the small kids don’t understand?
Let’s get real and not be blind to the fact that we all have our differences and issues with our partner, no one’s picture perfect and we all do slip up and end up venting it out in the presence of our kids.
Kids can make out tension among parents. Our arguments have a high impact on them. For them the concern is if mommy and daddy are going to leave, am I (the Kid) the reason, Will it all be okay, will they still love me and so on and so forth.
Many a times a fight can turn ugly like calling names and taking sides and getting other family past feuds involved and in such cases if it’s a regular thing then it can have lasting socio- psychological repercussions on the child like slow development, low self esteem, speech delay or speech issues, depression, harming themselves, poor academic performances, getting into trouble with peers and many more.
We must know that children are not born to be burdened with adult issues – be it financial, emotional or any other as they do not have the intellectual capacity yet to develop coping mechanisms with or understand the complexities of issues as a mature adult.
“Raise your words not your voice for it is rain that grows flowers and not thunder”- Rumi (Ancient Poet)
So how do we deal with it more amicably for the sake of the little hearts, our precious kids? Few things can be kept in mind as we cannot change the situation but we can choose how we deal with it. We can consciously choose to handle it more maturely and make it stress free for the little minds that watch us and think of us as their first go to role models.
Knowing a bitter argument is brewing then it is best to take it indoors. We can send the kids to play or to grandma’s or close friends and sort it out when they are away.
“Say what you mean but don’t say it mean” – Andrew Watcher (Marriage counsellor)
Speaking respectfully is the key. Children whose parents respect each other are very secure so if you argue then watch your language both verbal and physical. Try to tone it down.
Take a time out when the water is boiling. You develop signals between your spouses to call for a time out so that it can be taken up later out of the hearing and view of the kids and also you simmer down in between.
Balance it out with the kids. The kids have seen the not so pretty side of mommy- daddy so later take some time out with them and spend it on an outing or an activity. Let them be secure in the knowledge that whatever mom and dad do so they still respect each other and the kid is their centre of the universe no matter what. These little things we do keep a balance in their behaviour and helps you and your partner get calmer.
Kiss and make up. If you fight in front of the kids then you make up in front of the kids they witness the reality that bad things like arguments can end up on a good note and have happy endings too.
Say “sorry” and “I love you” in front of kids it teaches them to admit if they are wrong without shame and also to correct things if they have messed up. Professing love is always a very good tonic for the good health of a relationship.
If matters take a turn for the worse then ask for professional help there are various marriage counsellors, child psychologist, and relationship experts. Better to treat the issue than to let it spread.
Whatever your issues might be with your current partner or your ex or the partner’s parents or friends or habits, be discreet in discussing. The kids love their mom and their dad and have a long way to go in order to understand the complexities of relationships, let them be kids. They will slowly learn.
- Pooja Guha-Bansode
- August 24, 2017
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